If I could advise my former self, I’d stress the importance of having a partner who meets emotional needs. My twenties were filled with situationships and relationships where my emotional needs were overlooked, leading me to compromise myself.
One particularly prolonged situationship evolved from a year and a half on-again/off-again relationship that came to be because neither wanted the other messing around with anyone else. Despite its end, I chased him for two more years, blinded by my intense desire. When I finally walked away, it felt empowering.
This relationship started as a superficial summer fling, lacking depth beyond the physical. Insecurity fueled by jealousy led me to searching through his phone during drunken slumbers. It was a relationship built on validation rather than genuine connection.
Communication was sparse, mostly through occasional texts and never talking on the phone. Dates were seldom and pictures of the two of us even more rare.
Attempts to fit a mold to avoid disapproving looks/comments about myself only heightened my insecurities. Despite realizing the unhealthy dynamics, I couldn’t walk away, convincing myself that even a fraction of him was better than nothing.
The turning point came when he fell asleep at my house and got a 3 am call from a girl he was seeing. It hit me that I was pushing myself onto someone who didn’t want me, leading to a sobering realization and a shattered self-perception.
During a moment of self-reflection, I acknowledged the need to let him go for the sake of my sanity. It was at that moment it all hit me. Every argument, every break up. But knowing he no longer wanted me the way I wanted him felt as though my porcelain heart had broken into a million little pieces, never to be mended the same again. After he left, I remained, eyes swollen and bloodshot from crying.
Going no contact, I moved on, entering yet another situationship, only to encounter him a year later. He expressed his joy seeing me, while telling me how good I looked in the short, tight little maroon dress I purposely wore to elicit his attention. His proposition for sex became a pivotal moment, but I chose self-worth over previous patterns, saying no with newfound strength.
Driving away, I marveled at the power of walking away from something I once thought I couldn’t live without.
If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation, remember this: you are worth far too much to compromise who you are. Recognize the significance of your emotional needs and the value you bring to any relationship. Embrace the power within yourself to walk away from situations that diminish your worth. Your journey may have its challenges, but beneath it all, your worth remains immeasurable. Stand firm in the belief that compromising your authenticity is never the path to genuine happiness. You deserve relationships that honor and uplift your true self.