Ever find yourself in a place where being alone seemed unbearable? Former me certainly did. In the quest to escape the echoes of my own mind, I stumbled into ‘situationships’—relationships of convenience that brought more chaos than comfort; leading me to all the wrong people.
One such person is this dude I met through a dating app. We hit it off, but he clearly stated that he wasn’t in the space to date. Being new to the area, he was focused on building his life while navigating the life he left behind. Hating labels, I didn’t mind, even though this should have been a red flag 🚩.
Despite my reluctance to label our connection, I found myself developing feelings. However, his jealousy 🚩and the constant excuses 🚩 preventing us from making our relationship official raised concerns. The breaking point came with the inconsistency and frequent periods of ghosting 🚩.
After the constant ghosting, I eventually let go and moved on. Surprisingly, well over a year later, I received a text from an out-of-state number with a familiar area code: an unexpected reconnection 🚩.
He apologized for how he treated me. He was going through a lot and didn’t know how to communicate that. There were talks of relationships, talks of feelings denied and realized 🚩. A little too late, I explained, I was in a relationship.
Literally just as that relationship was ending, he popped up again, taking me to dinner to console me. After dinner, neither of us was ready to end the night, so we went to a strip club 🚩, the only establishment open that weeknight.
The chaotic night at the strip club ended with a sudden confession of love 🚩 amid a brawl between strippers and served as a wake-up call. However, the ultimate red 🚩flag emerged when he presented a sob story, subtly hinting at needing money for his living situation.
Though he never asked me for money, he played to my weakness 🚩, and I searched for ways to help him, even considering going into debt myself. When I decided against it, his reaction 🚩, anger, and bitterness towards me surprised me. I could finally see him for who he was.
The truth is, he already showed me who he was; I just didn’t want to believe it. I allowed my loneliness to keep me in a situation I shouldn’t ever have been in. I should’ve walked away from the beginning when I wanted more than he was willing to offer.
In life, we often find ourselves dealing with complex emotions haunted by echoes of the past. As my own journey unfolded, stumbling through ‘situationships’ and relationships that brought more chaos than comfort, the lessons learned echo with clarity.
It’s a reminder etched in the scars of my experiences: do not allow yourself to be used. The first red flag should be a signal to cut ties, a call to preserve your well-being. Yet, we often hesitate, questioning our intuition. One of the most profound truths we can embrace is to believe someone when they show us who they are. People inevitably reveal their true colors, and we are responsible for believing that revelation, even when the truth is hard to accept.
Our innate desire to be seen, heard, and loved is not a weakness but a strength, a testament to our humanity. If there’s someone in your life who diminishes those desires, who makes you feel less for seeking love and understanding, it’s time to let them go. You deserve more than the bare minimum—more than a mere existence in the shadows of your aspirations. The path to self-discovery and genuine connection begins with recognizing your worth and the courage to walk away from anything that diminishes it.