There are just some people who are predators, preying on the weak. One such person I avoided a situationship with after a Google search told me everything he wasn’t saying.
He worked as one of the funeral home directors, quite literally the undertaker who worked on my mom. When he came to collect, he showed up in a minivan equipped for the task at hand, wearing a suit and welcoming eyes. He caught me off guard when he hugged me and apologized for my loss before even giving me his name.
As his arms enveloped me in an embrace, an odd mixture of comfort and disturbance washed over me. The warmth from his touch, juxtaposed with the fresh grief of my loss, left me grappling with conflicting emotions. I questioned the unexpected solace I found in a stranger, knowing that vulnerability could be a slippery slope.
At first, he was solely doing his job; meeting with my brothers and me to make arrangements, answering all our questions. He even responded when I emailed him my mom’s obituary in the middle of the night and urged me to get some sleep.
One day, after dropping off the clothes mom would wear for her viewing, I sat with him, exchanging stories and laughs. As I walked out of the funeral home, he placed his hand on my shoulder, filling my body with light after a period of feeling nothing at all. I was drawn to him, and apparently, the feeling was mutual.
My brothers made a bet that, at some point, he would hit on me. I wanted wholeheartedly to believe that his hospitality was simply on a professional level. He understood I was mourning and vulnerable; he seemed like such a sweet, tender man that there was no way he would take advantage of my vulnerability. I wrestled with disappointment and intrigue when a month later, he asked me out.
We texted often throughout the day, revealing intimate details of ourselves. Then, one day, something told me to google search his name. As you can imagine, I was quite surprised when a wedding page popped up.
As the truth unfolded through my Google search, disbelief and self-doubt swept over me. I quickly questioned my findings, and he fed me a sad story of a long, stale relationship with a woman he was no longer in love with. How did I misjudge the situation so horribly? The intimate conversations and shared vulnerabilities now felt like a betrayal. In hindsight, my lack of boundaries and trust in my instincts led me down this path, and the emotional baggage became a heavy burden I had to bear.
The following year, I ran into him again, and just as he expressed his delight in seeing me, I asked him how his wife was. The dumbfounded look on his face was priceless, and he was left stuttering over his words as I walked away.
In the aftermath of this emotional rollercoaster, I’ve come to appreciate the profound importance of setting boundaries and exercising caution in navigating connections. Each encounter, no matter how compelling, doesn’t warrant exploration. Trusting our instincts and establishing clear boundaries not only safeguards our emotional well-being but also ensures that the connections we foster align with authenticity. It’s a lesson learned through pain, reminding me that not every connection is worth the emotional toll. By honoring our boundaries, we preserve our self-worth and navigate relationships with a newfound wisdom that transcends the allure of every fleeting connection.