Have you ever felt a shift in your emotions, seemingly out of nowhere, as a particular time of year approaches? For years, I didn’t understand why I became irritable, anxious, or exhausted around the same time each year. I chalked it up to the seasonal change, the busyness of life, or just being overwhelmed. It wasn’t until my 30s that I had an ‘aha’ moment. I realized that these feelings weren’t random but deeply tied to trauma anniversaries—events I had long buried but that resurfaced every year, just below the surface of my awareness.
For me, it was the anniversary of being placed into foster care, a pivotal event that marked the beginning of a long, emotional journey. Like clockwork, I’d feel irritable, overwhelmed, and exhausted yearly. I either slept too much or barely slept at all. Worse, I wasn’t pleasant to be around, which impacted my relationships because I had no idea where these feelings came from.
Coping with Trauma Anniversaries
Once I recognized the connection between these emotions and my trauma anniversaries, things began to shift. Awareness became my first tool of healing. Knowing that the anniversary held weight allowed me to plan. For instance, when I realized that this year marked the 30th anniversary of being placed in foster care, I knew it would feel especially heavy. Instead of letting it catch me off guard, I consciously tried to be gentle with myself.
Self-care routines became a critical part of my coping strategy:
- Doing activities I love: I focused on things that bring me joy—eating my favorite meals, laughing with loved ones, and serving more at church.
- Surrounding myself with support: Being with the people who understand me made a difference. One of my closest friends always remembers important dates and checks in on me, which brings an immense feeling of being seen and loved.
- Renewing my faith: Though anniversaries bring difficult emotions, I turn to God through worship music and prayers, reminding myself of His presence, even when my mind feels distant.
This year, I approached the day with a new perspective. Yes, it was a 30th anniversary, but instead of magnifying the weight of the pain, I chose to celebrate how far I’ve come. This shift in focus—seeing myself as 30 years removed from the trauma—helped me realize how much growth and healing have occurred in those three decades. And this mindset helped me through it.
The Impact on Relationships
These anniversaries would sneak up on me in the past, and I would isolate myself from those I loved. I didn’t communicate what I was going through, and it caused unnecessary strain on my relationships. It was easy for people to take my withdrawal personally when, in reality, it was my trauma at play.
Knowing the importance of support during these times, I make a point to share my feelings with my loved ones ahead of time. This way, they understand what’s happening and can be there for me instead of being left in the dark. It’s a much healthier way of maintaining those relationships during emotionally charged periods.
Fall: A Season of Memory
The change in seasons—especially from summer to fall—has always been difficult for me. I used to attribute it to seasonal affective disorder, but when I reflected deeper, I realized that it wasn’t just the seasonal shift. It was the emotional echo of fall being the time I first entered foster care. The feelings ran more profound than I knew, dating back to childhood memories of first grade, when I would watch other kids run into their mothers’ arms after school. That feeling of hurt, of longing for my own mother, stayed with me for years.
In preparation for this season, I ensure my support system knows what I’m going through. I also dedicate more time to self-care, acknowledging that this period will always carry emotional weight for me. I no longer fear it—I approach it with open arms, ready to embrace the feelings as they come.
Celebrating Wins
In the past, trauma anniversaries would completely throw me off balance, disrupting my mental and emotional state. But now, I see these anniversaries differently. I no longer view them as setbacks but as opportunities to reflect on my resilience. How far I’ve come. How much I’ve healed.
I’ve learned that celebrating wins—even small ones—can be a powerful tool in healing. Here are some ways to celebrate:
- Journaling: Reflect on the growth and strength you’ve gained since the trauma.
- Gratitude Lists: Write down things you’re grateful for, even if they seem small.
- Sharing with Loved Ones: Let others celebrate your resilience with you, whether a small dinner or a thoughtful conversation, and community matters.
This year was especially significant for me as I realized I was 30 years removed from one of the most challenging times of my life. That in itself is a victory worth celebrating. While anniversaries still bring up old emotions, they no longer have the power to derail me.
From Awareness to Healing
Trauma anniversaries will always carry weight, but we can regain control by understanding and embracing them. The emotions they stir aren’t meant to be feared but acknowledged. Each anniversary is an opportunity to heal a little more, reflect on how far we’ve come, and celebrate the strength that has carried us through.
Call to Action: Take a moment to reflect on your own life. Do certain times of the year feel heavier than others? Could there be anniversaries tied to unresolved traumas? If so, don’t be afraid to seek support. Reach out to a trusted friend, a loved one, or a professional. Healing is a journey, but we can navigate it with awareness, community, and self-compassion.