No part of me believes this is how we were meant to live, with no work-life balance for mothers. Parents have to work outside the home while outside sources raise the children. For the families who want that, I can respect that. For families that have no choice, I understand alto well because I’m not currently in a position to be able to stay home with my child. Interestingly enough, had you known me just a few years ago, I would’ve told you I would never want to stay home with the child I swore up and down I’d never have. I shouldn’t have said never because here I am, longing to be able to be a stay-at-home mom.
I can’t explain what makes some days more difficult than others, but lately, I’ve been feeling trapped underneath the heaviness of the day-to-day quickly passing by. Monday through Friday is a blur, spent pumping and getting ready for work, work and more pumping, then coming home to feed my son while trying to fan-agile quality time with him, being a wife, and any housework that needs to be done.
The majority of the time, unless absolutely necessary, cooking aside, housework falls by the wayside. The amount of time it takes to prep my stuff for the next working day and make a meal takes an obscene amount of time, which I loathe because it is precious time away from my son. By the time the weekend hits, I’m overly exhausted from trying to manage it all.
I just feel like I miss so much. Upon my return from work post maternity leave, everyone said it would get easier, but it’s actually only gotten harder. When my son was an infant, and I was away at work, I just missed him sleeping. But now that he’s up most of the day, I miss quality time. Time where he is exploring and learning and growing at such an exponential rate.
I come home from work, and he knows new words and is making new gestures. At night I still find myself going back into my photos and looking at his older pics, feeling that nostalgia, just wondering where the time went. It still feels like just yesterday I brought him home in the car seat he was too small for and recently outgrew. Time is a thief.
Don’t get me wrong, I also know being a stay-at-home mom is a lot of work. If I’m being honest, it’s more work than my actual job. At work, I can at least take an uninterrupted lunch break, or a breather when necessary. However, my son requires constant supervision; he’s quite the handful. He’s a burst of energy who is so curious about everything that I must constantly redirect him, especially not to put things in his mouth. He is absolutely exhausting, but at the end of the day, the love I have for him makes it all worth it.
The exhaustion between work, everyday life, him, and trauma triggers is real these days. I’ve noticed that I put him to bed some days, and I can’t remember if I even looked at him. Of course, I watched him, but had I taken the time to really look at his fantastic smile and be present with him? Some days unhealed trauma causes me to dissociate, and I don’t realize it until I catch him smiling at me. Thankfully it can snap me back into the present. But then I wondered how long I had been “gone” for.
The last thing I ever want is for him to feel like I felt as a child. I could feel when my mom was dissociated; She felt cold, and her eyes were dim, leading me to believe I was the problem. I grew up believing that I was unlovable. There have been some days where I’m taken back to those days, and I feel horrible that my son has me as a mom. Then I’m reminded that I’m the best mom for him. As if life wasn’t exhausting enough, my mind didn’t seem to help.
Needless to say, I’m struggling with work-life balance, and because my son is my priority above all else, things get put on the back burner until I can figure out how to weave it into the flow of things. Writing has been one of those things.
When I get an itch from the writing bug, most often than not, it’s not at an opportune time. I intend to write it down the next minute I get the chance, but by then, I’ve completely lost what it was. And so, blogs don’t get written, putting me in a downward spiral. I feel upset with myself for not writing, but when I finally take the time to write (or to myself), I feel guilty. It feels like a never-ending cycle!
I can’t even imagine having more than one child. The juggle is real! My hat goes off to all the mamas out there; I’m starting to realize that we are the closest thing to super hero’s there are.
As mothers, we may struggle to find the perfect balance between work and family life. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and exhausted sometimes, but it’s important to remember that we are doing our best. The love and dedication we pour into our children shine through in all we do. Embrace the ups and downs of this journey, cherish the precious moments, and continue making a positive difference in your child’s life. And if you ever need support or a listening ear, reach out to fellow moms who understand. Together, we can navigate the challenges and find strength in the sisterhood of motherhood.
So, to all the incredible mamas out there, take a moment to celebrate yourself and all you do. You are superheroes in your own right, juggling it all with grace and resilience. Keep going, mama; you are amazing!
If you can relate to the challenges of balancing work and motherhood, I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment below with your thoughts, encouragement, or any tips you have found helpful. Let’s support each other on this journey of motherhood. Your words of encouragement can make a difference.
Definitely in tears sis! I love you